I am not sure what the title of this should be

So being back at Blacksburg has been good. It has been good to be back with the people here. But it has not been the amazing instant change I had hoped though.

Changes:

There have been so many changes. I like change but so much so quickly is hard. The dorms are locked down. People have moved dorms and/or off campus. Friends have different schedules. My schedule is changing and after two weeks is not set. I was appointed by my department to a committee. I am doing senior design that will take a lot of time. All of these are things (well except the committee thing) are things that have happened before or I expected to happen. But it is hard to adjust to all that then learn how to live the way I want to, a life without fear. In some ways it is better. I don't have as many old patterns to fall into, but I finding myself rather mentally drained.


Positives:

I have gotten to spend a lot of time with my roommate, the SGLs, and my friends. I have had chances to share about GUPY. I have been able to get to know freshmen and some of the people on my hall. It has been a great few weeks. Jeremy and I have been sharing what we learned with the leaders of IV and others. I have not had time to find where I can find a place to serve the community, but that will come with time.

One thing that has been amazing is seeing that what God teaches us is not always only for us. The things I was learning at GUPY about my relationships with people and with God have been directly applicable to many peoples lives. It is interesting how we can think that we are the only person with a struggle. In fact each person has told me that they felt they were as well. But It seems so many people fear rejection, fear they are not worth peoples time, and fear that though they will fight for a relationship others won't. It is crazy how that works. It has been so cool to have conversations and just be talking about what God has been teaching me and have the person be effected by it.

Another amazing thing is another instance of God using you when you feel inadequate. I usually end conversations and feel like I have not communicated well and that I have not shown the love God has for them well. But I was talking with a friend recently who was talking about how they wanted to be like several people who they feel care about people and communicate that care and love well. I was surprised to be in that group. I just keep finding more and more instances where God seems to use people the most when they feel most inadequate. I do not out this here to brag, I just cannot get over how quick we are to judge ourselves worthless or not as good as we are. And there is always room for improvement, there have been several instances recently that I wish had gone better. But God seems to use willingness more than confidence.

That is all for now.

LAG (Life after GUPY)

So I am pretty sure I coined that acronym. But I am finding we are all having it. I went from a place where I was spending every waking moment with 9 others that were seeking God and learning in a similar manor. We had inside jokes, I have recently found that my sense of humor changed to favor the personalities and jokes of the group. We quickly began to care for and understand one another. We all have responsibilities and other people we have gotten close to over years rather than weeks. Some of us had significant others to get back to and most had responsibilities with our chapters at our schools, not to mention school and/or work. But for some reason I and the rest of us feel like crap. Part of it is of course losing the closeness we had in our relationships, we won't see each other nearly as much. Also I know for me and a few others this week or so between GUPY and school I am at my parent's house. I love my family, but it has not been home since freshman year. So I have gone from a place where God was growing me and others quickly, a place where I felt at home quickly, to a place where I do not really feel at home where I am not growing as quickly. I think I will start to do better once at VT. Once I can begin to start to live as I am used to again. Where I can start to apply what I have learned. I think this week in between is good, because I think we would kill ourselves if we started NSO (New Student Outreach) and school right after. But that doesn't make it much easier. It doesn't help the feelings of being alone, even though as I write this my family is in the room. Though I have been doing a lot today to get ready to go back so I am feeling more apart of things than I did yesterday. I can't wait to get back the Blacksburg, only six days left!!!