Psalm 13

How long, O LORD? Will you forget me forever?
How long will you hide your face from me?

How long must I take counsel in my soul
and have sorrow in my heart all the day?
How long shall my enemy be exalted over me?

Consider and answer me, O LORD my God;
light up my eyes, lest I sleep the sleep of death,
lest my enemy say, "I have prevailed over him,"
lest my foes rejoice because I am shaken.

But I have trusted in your steadfast love;
my heart shall rejoice in your salvation.

I will sing to the LORD,
because he has dealt bountifully with me.

Psalm 13 (ESV)
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I feel like I am calling out this Psalm every time something happens here...

It is amazing how easily I forget the last 2 verses in my cry to my Father.

I go from rejoicing in the blessings He has given me and us, or complacency in them to...

"How long, O LORD? Will you forget Virginia Tech forever?
How long will you hide your face from us?" (Psalm 13:1 ESV, bold my edits)

I am torn between wanting to feel this pain and confusion because it reminds me to rely on God.

And wanting to be impervious so I can stand in times like this.

Right now I can barely stand, let alone care for those God has put in my life adequately... how easily I forget who is in control.

I am not big enough to stop these things from happening, I am not big enough to comfort my friends as they need...

that kills me...

But God is, and he is at work through me. His strength is made perfect in my weakness!! (2 Cor 12:9)

Father as I feel like Psalm 13 describes my feelings, please help me to get to the last two verses.
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When you pass through the waters,
I will be with you;
and through the rivers,
they shall not overwhelm you;
when you walk through fire you shall not be burned,
and the flame shall not consume you.

Isaiah 43:2 (ESV)

Why?

Why does this stuff keep happening to my school???

I am so tired of getting text messages, phone calls, emails, and seeing things posted on the VT homepage.

I am tried of calling my mother to tell her I am ok.

I am tired of trying to help others make sense of what is going on.

This world is so broken.



God please help me not to loose heart.

I feel lost in the woods

I'll post more once I have some time to work through this more, part of why I am headed out of Richmond later today a week early for class to take some time alone and with God.

I have no idea what is going on...

I have no idea what I want or should do when I graduate.

I am not even sure what to be up to when I get back to campus.

Over the last few months I have let my relationship with God wane a bit.

I have been spending time with him, just not the amount I need to.

The difference between now and a few weeks ago?

I have no vision...

I was on leadership with IV at Virginia Tech, I knew how to do that. I knew what to do.

I was ignoring the fact that I have a lot of choices and decisions that need to be made soon.

There are things I wanted to do with this 'free' semester, but at the moment I feel lost.

This next week is needed, I need to spend some time with an old friend, who has been waiting to hang out.

Hopefully I can start finding my way out of the woods soon.

I really hate this feeling of floating around without direction.

It would be awesome if God sent more angels to just say "do this."

But in the end this season will be good for me and deepen my relationship with God.

It just is not fun.