New Orleans

I spent spring break in New Orleans doing relief work. I was not all that anxious going in. I mean I went to New Orleans for the 2005 Sugar Bowl. I didn't expect a whole lot. I mean we were working on houses, so I had a lot to learn there. But this would be the 3rd spring break trip to a city, the 9th week of my time I will have spent in cities for ministry. I got this down.

LOL.

So in many ways I was right, the talks were nothing too new, though many were good. I had a lot to learn about houses and construction. But there was so much more for me to learn. I worded the first paragraph to show that a little. I have become complacent. I know how to do things:

Discipleship... I got that down
Vision Team... I got that down too
Inner City... I know whats up
Caring for friends... That's what I do
Theology.... Child's play

The last few weeks I have founds a few incidents where I said or did something that I wasn't happy about. A comment that was not needed, a joke that did nothing (wasn't funny and didn't build up the body, though the later is more important), comments under my breath that let a little more out that I would like, mentioning a conversations with friends that caused issues between them, when the comment was unnecessary. Each time I walked away feeling I should not have done that, but not to worried, I mean I am covered by grace right?

Over the week similar instances observed or actions I took reminded me of this, and the earlier paragraph seems intense but that all happened over the last 2 months so it was easy to ignore. I found myself being far to open with other peoples lives in groups (still not too bad but far more than I am ok with, and one instance I was called out about) and I found that my stated objectives and values were not the ones my thoughts were valuing.

This was disconcerting. I rejoiced in grace, that I am still loved and accepted by my heavenly father. But repentance is part of that, I was asking for forgiveness but not changing much. Then I realized. I was complacent. I would tell people to give the glory to God if I gave good advice or there was a great conversation. But on some level I was starting to believe it was me that was good with people, me that could give good advice, me that could lead, me that had any idea what was going on in the city. I am not denying that I have those things, though my understanding of the city and caring for people are things that I am always learning more about and trying to do and understand better. But God has given me alot of gifts, and I do the work he has set before me fairly well.

But there is a bit of a twist.

I left off there, at least recently. All that is true, God has done all that in and through me. But the trick is, I have to be abiding in him and in a constant posture of worship and dependence on him. Saying my gifts are from God and then doing my own thing, using them (especially for His service) but not depending on him to continue to bring them out. And forgetting that my gifts only exist, and their full strength only comes when I have that posture and constant communication and trust in him. That sounds so crazy, I mean how can you take a gift from God and use it "for Him" but not be relying on him? Well you can't. But I had lost sight of that, and my effectiveness suffered.

I was not receiving the counsel of the Holy Spirit as well as I could.

It is encouraging that even though I am not happy with how some parts of the last few weeks have gone, they were not unforgivable, God is in control. And he is not afraid to remind us when we are not where he wants us.

Thank you Lord (Father, Son, Spirit) for all you do.