So the last few weeks have been really hard. I mean the end of each year is hard, leaving friends for a few months and having to readjust to being under your parents roof again. But this time is harder. This time I have been at VT for 4 years. This time I should be leaving too.
I am so glad I chose to stay a 5th year, besides my choice to go to VT it is the choice I have had the most peace about in recent memory. But let me kinda explain a bit. I love C.S. Lewis, in his book "The Four Loves" he talks about friendship. He tells the story of 3 friends (friend A, B, and C). After being friends for years friend B dies. Friend A and C are hurting because they lost their dear friend. But not only that, friend A lost the part of friend C that friend B brought out, and vice versa. I am sure you have noticed this, your friends do have an effect on you and you do change slightly depending on who you are around. We strive to be real and honest to ourselves by being the same to all our friends... that is somewhat different. My interest in certain topics and activities is stringer when with certain people and there is the saying that people "bring out the best (or worst) in you." So honestly this idea is part of why this year is so hard, it feels like parts of who I am are leaving.
As a freshman I prepared myself as I met Seniors and Juniors that they would be leaving soon. i never got too attached to them or to how I reacted to them. Even so many of them had a profound impact on my life. But I was ready to let them go. A few sophomores that took the 5 year track and the people in my class I never through about them leaving. I figured that we would all leave at the same time, or that I would never loose them, or a combination of the two. I wasn't holding back, I let a few of those people deep into my life. It brought a lot of joy and growth into my life. but also a lot of pain, some hurt me deeply because of the trust I gave them, rarely if ever intentional, but even the pain brought about growth and a deepening of the relationships. And the risk of pain and even the pain itself was worth it for the amazing relationships I have developed. But now after Rockbridge, I sit in my room, alone. Not only with the post school depression, but with the feeling of loss coming with the realization that a few of my closest friends I am not sure when I will see them again. I mean there is AIM, Phone, and Facebook, but seeing them, touching them... I don't know when that will happen again.
Then comes the idea that I can survive. I have moved on several times, the most recent one was 4 years ago actually. So I know that in a few weeks/months/years the pain will fade and I find community where ever I go. So it is not like I can never have relationships that are as deep or deeper in the future. But it is still hard. I don't want some of these people to go. I love them, I want to be with them, but at least for now that is not God's plan.
Then I think of the other 07 GUPYs. We were so close after just 6 weeks. the few weeks after GUPY were so hard, but now while we still care about each other and I know I could call them or they me and we would be there for each other, but we have faded from each others lives a lot.we went from 24/7 contact for 6 weeks to almost nothing in a few months. And I still miss them, but I am ok with our distance, I know they are living out God's will and plan for them and we will see each other again, either in this life or when the party happens after. I guess we kinda expected that.
But it is even harder when your friends can't wait to leave. Either their vision, God's direction, or just their transient nature or a combination fill them with excitement. And all I can think of is how much I want a few of them to stay. On one level I am exited for them, starting thier new adventure jumping in faith into the next phase of life, and I will be happy and rejoice with them in life's joys and as they move forward. And at the same time I just want to be part of that and to be part of the future joy and pain as their brother.
I guess what is hard is to see the difference between close friends that I need to let go of and love from a distance like those who were older when I was a younger student and the younger students now and the other GUPYs. And those that God has put in my life that I am to cling to and live life with. Because in some ways while I know that the desire and pain will fade I want to hold on to it hold onto the mourning I feel now for the loss of the type of relationship I had with my friends and the way in which they brought out my gifts and passions in hopes that God puts them back in my path or as some sort of connection to them.
God I am tired of saying good bye... and I know there is a lot more of that in my future. I guess all I can do now is remember the joys, pain, and growth each relationship brought, hope that our paths cross again, but truly hope in the resurrection and in God that I will see them again and that while I can't have their back like I have in the past, He still does.
If you are one of my friends that I don't see much anymore (GUPY or other friends) or especially if you are a friend of mine who has recently graduated from VT and are moving... just know that I love you and it has been a blessing to live in community with you the last 4ish years.
You give and take away... yet my heart will choose to say... Lord, Blessed be Your Name!
Monday, May 19, 2008
Wednesday, April 16, 2008
One Year Later
One year later and so much has not changed. I read my journal, same basic thoughts, pains, desires, and questions. Has anything happened this year? What has God been up to?
Right there is the problem. The emotions of hopelessness and loneliness that come with events like this can so overwhelm all that has happened.
- Deepened Friendships
- Met brothers and sisters in Mexico
- Met and grew with 9 other awesome students in Greensboro, NC
- 3ish non-Christians have begun to call my community their home
- I have been a part of the work of God in many in the last year
- God has sooo much more planned and so much more has happened that just this
But how quickly pain and finding one or two emotions/ desires left seemingly unmet or unresolved and seemingly ignored by our "loving" God can take away from the joy that comes from seeing all that has happened.
God thank you for your redemptive work in our lives and this world. Please help me to focus on you and the work that is happening not the things I feel you are not doing. Help me to trust you to care for those.
Life is short it seems, it was not supposed to be this way.
While we morn, thank you God that we have hope in the resurrection of your people and in You.
Right there is the problem. The emotions of hopelessness and loneliness that come with events like this can so overwhelm all that has happened.
- Deepened Friendships
- Met brothers and sisters in Mexico
- Met and grew with 9 other awesome students in Greensboro, NC
- 3ish non-Christians have begun to call my community their home
- I have been a part of the work of God in many in the last year
- God has sooo much more planned and so much more has happened that just this
But how quickly pain and finding one or two emotions/ desires left seemingly unmet or unresolved and seemingly ignored by our "loving" God can take away from the joy that comes from seeing all that has happened.
God thank you for your redemptive work in our lives and this world. Please help me to focus on you and the work that is happening not the things I feel you are not doing. Help me to trust you to care for those.
Life is short it seems, it was not supposed to be this way.
While we morn, thank you God that we have hope in the resurrection of your people and in You.
Thursday, April 3, 2008
Thoughts on God from Anime
So I enjoy some Anime. I am very careful which shows I watch cause some are really bad.
So I was intrigued when I was watching the end of a filler arc, meaning a series of episodes that have no purpose in the actual story and is meant to keep the anime viewers busy while the manga (comic book) writer catches up.
Well there was something interesting as I said. There are two characters both trying to reason about life and destiny.
Well I don't know about destiny but I thought their musings applied to God as well
One charater said:
If destiny is like a gear...
then we are all the cogs,
and all we can do is trust that the gear knows where it is going.
She is coming from a place where she trusts the system how things work.
So her approach is that (I am going to replace destiny with God) we are part of the work of God, willingly or unwillingly, and all we can do is trust that he is good and going in a direction we want.
The other character said:
If destiny is like a gear...
then we are all dirt,
that gets ground in between the cogs.
He has seen pain after pain and thinks life and people are out to get him until they earn his trust, he is focused on being able to protect himself and his friends. He has a hard time trusting.
His view is that (again replacing God for Destiny) God is doing work and going somewhere and we just get in the way. When we get in the way we are damaged and hurt to get out of the way and we can't change the direction of God.
I think this parallels how we look at God, we see him as doing what he is doing. We attribute pain to us getting in his way, and at best we think we are being used but not by choice. He is going to use us regardless and there is nothing we can do about it.
But neither is right.
- We KNOW God is good.
- It is our JOY to do his work and work with him
- We KNOW that He is working all things for the good of his people.
How awesome is that. But how easy is it to take one of the perspectives above?
God you are awesome.
So I was intrigued when I was watching the end of a filler arc, meaning a series of episodes that have no purpose in the actual story and is meant to keep the anime viewers busy while the manga (comic book) writer catches up.
Well there was something interesting as I said. There are two characters both trying to reason about life and destiny.
Well I don't know about destiny but I thought their musings applied to God as well
One charater said:
If destiny is like a gear...
then we are all the cogs,
and all we can do is trust that the gear knows where it is going.
She is coming from a place where she trusts the system how things work.
So her approach is that (I am going to replace destiny with God) we are part of the work of God, willingly or unwillingly, and all we can do is trust that he is good and going in a direction we want.
The other character said:
If destiny is like a gear...
then we are all dirt,
that gets ground in between the cogs.
He has seen pain after pain and thinks life and people are out to get him until they earn his trust, he is focused on being able to protect himself and his friends. He has a hard time trusting.
His view is that (again replacing God for Destiny) God is doing work and going somewhere and we just get in the way. When we get in the way we are damaged and hurt to get out of the way and we can't change the direction of God.
I think this parallels how we look at God, we see him as doing what he is doing. We attribute pain to us getting in his way, and at best we think we are being used but not by choice. He is going to use us regardless and there is nothing we can do about it.
But neither is right.
- We KNOW God is good.
- It is our JOY to do his work and work with him
- We KNOW that He is working all things for the good of his people.
How awesome is that. But how easy is it to take one of the perspectives above?
God you are awesome.
Relearning Humility... agian
So the last few weeks have been really hard. Discouragement has been with me for some time and all my energy has been going into trying to avoid falling into it. Another way I have thought of it was as an overstimulating week. But it is amazing how once you sit down with God he begins to make things clear.
So where did this start??
The weekend of Easter I went home. It was an awesome weekend. I got to spend time with my parents, grandparents, and brothers. I really have been wanting to work on these relationships as I feel I have been pushing them aside a lot recently and I don't think that is right and I do enjoy the time I get with them. I got to have great conversations with all of them, there is still a lot of work to do in those relationships but that weekend was a positive step.
So why would I use this, as I said, awesome weekend as the start of a rough few weeks. Well, my goal was to grow in these relationships, and I am introverted. So while awesome it took a lot of energy out of me to work on those relationships.
Then I got in a car with a friend of mine for 4 hours. We talked about school, after school, relationships, and how we can follow God better. It was awesome. I love conversations like that, but a little more energy gone.
As we arrived on campus my phone rang. Another friend wanted to get dinner. I was hungry and had not seen him in a while so we went to dinner. We caught up a bit, talked about things we were thinking about. Good conversations as always with him. And at the end he was bugging me about going to Ring Dance. And I had been thinking of asking a friend to go as friends, but I decided the risk of awkwardness was to great, I mean it is me. So I decided not to.
Well, I changed my mind. I called her and asked her, she said she would have to see if she had a dress (it was only 6 days away).
Ok, it is the end of the day. I am ok. I can just sit back and relax. By this point I had no social energy left. I felt exhausted even having done nothing. I was ready to relax and try to be soical tomorrow.
Then one after the other I had two conversations with small group leaders who did not want to come back. I have enormous respect for both of them as leaders and friends. And come on trying to find the balance between pushing people to lead or do something and giving them the space to step back if that is the move they feel they need to make is hard.
But I had no energy for these conversations. I stopped both before we discussed to long for fear that I would say something poorly or something I would regret. I have not had to do that in almost 2 years!
The best way to understand what came next is that I over used my social energy for the day. And my peace in life and unfortunately trust in God is partly a mental discipline. I have learned to push thoughts aside that are not useful and only cause worry. But I lost my ability to do that after the last conversation. Thoughts of "God why aren't you doing this or that?" or "I am going to be on the Leadership team that kills the VT chapter." and "Why arn't I strong enough?" flooded my mind. Mixed in there were cries of "God I know you are in control but I don't feel it." and "God what is going on?"
So I went to bed, as I fell asleep I was shaking a bit.
The next day I felt better but but was still on edge. I was trying to reason what God was doing. Trying to see if I missed something. I was trying to figure out what my friends were thinking, the one I asked to the dance to see if she was feeling awkward about anything, and the small group leaders to see if they were considering changing their minds.
In one breath I would tell God I was trusting him with my friends, my relationship with them and their decisions. And at the same time be trying to read their actions.
Friday we met and went over the Small Group Leader applications. This time of year is always hard, I feel like people's whole years are in my hands. I fear mistakes and I have to repeat over and over my belief that God is guiding me and the others deciding and that he will use and grow his people where we put them, even if we make a mistake. As we prayed and discussed we found we had enough leaders, not as many as we would like maybe, but enough. That was a bit of a relief.
Also my hair was cut in a rather crazy manner and I had been getting attention all day for it. And I was tired of how hard I was trying to understand my friends and control things.
I had dinner with my Co-Small Group Coordinator and her boyfriend. Seeing them interact and hearing her talk about how God had blessed her with that relationship was really encouraging to me. And I just enjoy hanging out with those two anyway. And when I got to 180 I was just done again. And God really blessed me with the worship. I spent some time in prayer seriously giving the chapter, leaders, and my friendships to God. I just wanted to be able to enjoy them and be present in them not trying to analyze and figure them out.
I felt so free for the first few hours, but worry soon returned but it was not nearly as strong as before.
I have been doing better then this Tuesday I had won a cake at the action auction and brought in for Small Group. My roommate took it as an April Fools Joke. And I was amazed how completely pissed I got. I could not focus on the discussion in SG because of how upset I was. My plans got messed up! I still am not sure why I was so mad.
So that is an abridged (HAHA, still kinda long though) of what has happened. Why I call this relearning humility is the source of my stress.
- I wasn't trusting God to care for the Chapter and provide SGLs.
- I didn't trust my friend to care about our friendship enough to take me asking her to ring dance well
- I didn't trust God to take care of my relationships while I am doing the best I can to love them well
- I didn't trust God to give me the strength to do the work he had before me
- I forgot it is God's work not mine, I don't have the responsibility of making it happen just doing my best to serve him and others
- And I forgot that God works all things for the good of his people... ALL things
It gets so easy to think that just cause you are a leader in a Christian organization or in the Church that you are humble and relying on God. For me it takes over-stimulating weeks where I am no longer strong enough to make things work to help me realize how little I am relying on God and how much I have begun to rely on myself.
God is the reason I breath, and the reason for my gifts. And as always:
PS- It is amazing how much songs from your childhood can be applicable to today (Supertones and Jars of Clay specifically at this moment)
So where did this start??
The weekend of Easter I went home. It was an awesome weekend. I got to spend time with my parents, grandparents, and brothers. I really have been wanting to work on these relationships as I feel I have been pushing them aside a lot recently and I don't think that is right and I do enjoy the time I get with them. I got to have great conversations with all of them, there is still a lot of work to do in those relationships but that weekend was a positive step.
So why would I use this, as I said, awesome weekend as the start of a rough few weeks. Well, my goal was to grow in these relationships, and I am introverted. So while awesome it took a lot of energy out of me to work on those relationships.
Then I got in a car with a friend of mine for 4 hours. We talked about school, after school, relationships, and how we can follow God better. It was awesome. I love conversations like that, but a little more energy gone.
As we arrived on campus my phone rang. Another friend wanted to get dinner. I was hungry and had not seen him in a while so we went to dinner. We caught up a bit, talked about things we were thinking about. Good conversations as always with him. And at the end he was bugging me about going to Ring Dance. And I had been thinking of asking a friend to go as friends, but I decided the risk of awkwardness was to great, I mean it is me. So I decided not to.
Well, I changed my mind. I called her and asked her, she said she would have to see if she had a dress (it was only 6 days away).
Ok, it is the end of the day. I am ok. I can just sit back and relax. By this point I had no social energy left. I felt exhausted even having done nothing. I was ready to relax and try to be soical tomorrow.
Then one after the other I had two conversations with small group leaders who did not want to come back. I have enormous respect for both of them as leaders and friends. And come on trying to find the balance between pushing people to lead or do something and giving them the space to step back if that is the move they feel they need to make is hard.
But I had no energy for these conversations. I stopped both before we discussed to long for fear that I would say something poorly or something I would regret. I have not had to do that in almost 2 years!
The best way to understand what came next is that I over used my social energy for the day. And my peace in life and unfortunately trust in God is partly a mental discipline. I have learned to push thoughts aside that are not useful and only cause worry. But I lost my ability to do that after the last conversation. Thoughts of "God why aren't you doing this or that?" or "I am going to be on the Leadership team that kills the VT chapter." and "Why arn't I strong enough?" flooded my mind. Mixed in there were cries of "God I know you are in control but I don't feel it." and "God what is going on?"
So I went to bed, as I fell asleep I was shaking a bit.
The next day I felt better but but was still on edge. I was trying to reason what God was doing. Trying to see if I missed something. I was trying to figure out what my friends were thinking, the one I asked to the dance to see if she was feeling awkward about anything, and the small group leaders to see if they were considering changing their minds.
In one breath I would tell God I was trusting him with my friends, my relationship with them and their decisions. And at the same time be trying to read their actions.
Friday we met and went over the Small Group Leader applications. This time of year is always hard, I feel like people's whole years are in my hands. I fear mistakes and I have to repeat over and over my belief that God is guiding me and the others deciding and that he will use and grow his people where we put them, even if we make a mistake. As we prayed and discussed we found we had enough leaders, not as many as we would like maybe, but enough. That was a bit of a relief.
Also my hair was cut in a rather crazy manner and I had been getting attention all day for it. And I was tired of how hard I was trying to understand my friends and control things.
I had dinner with my Co-Small Group Coordinator and her boyfriend. Seeing them interact and hearing her talk about how God had blessed her with that relationship was really encouraging to me. And I just enjoy hanging out with those two anyway. And when I got to 180 I was just done again. And God really blessed me with the worship. I spent some time in prayer seriously giving the chapter, leaders, and my friendships to God. I just wanted to be able to enjoy them and be present in them not trying to analyze and figure them out.
I felt so free for the first few hours, but worry soon returned but it was not nearly as strong as before.
I have been doing better then this Tuesday I had won a cake at the action auction and brought in for Small Group. My roommate took it as an April Fools Joke. And I was amazed how completely pissed I got. I could not focus on the discussion in SG because of how upset I was. My plans got messed up! I still am not sure why I was so mad.
So that is an abridged (HAHA, still kinda long though) of what has happened. Why I call this relearning humility is the source of my stress.
- I wasn't trusting God to care for the Chapter and provide SGLs.
- I didn't trust my friend to care about our friendship enough to take me asking her to ring dance well
- I didn't trust God to take care of my relationships while I am doing the best I can to love them well
- I didn't trust God to give me the strength to do the work he had before me
- I forgot it is God's work not mine, I don't have the responsibility of making it happen just doing my best to serve him and others
- And I forgot that God works all things for the good of his people... ALL things
It gets so easy to think that just cause you are a leader in a Christian organization or in the Church that you are humble and relying on God. For me it takes over-stimulating weeks where I am no longer strong enough to make things work to help me realize how little I am relying on God and how much I have begun to rely on myself.
God is the reason I breath, and the reason for my gifts. And as always:
And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. ~Romans 8:28I think each time I hit hard times and have to relearn how to trust him in everything I become a better disciple, friend, and leader. So thank you God for letting me go through the last week and a half to remind me just how much you bless me, and to challenge me with how much I still need to grow.
PS- It is amazing how much songs from your childhood can be applicable to today (Supertones and Jars of Clay specifically at this moment)
I've meant to do this for some time
I've gotta get it right this time
This time my God I will be Yours,
All my heart, my soul, and mind
Been so long since I truly smiled
But You touched my heart today
Reached through my mind of mud and mire
Consumed the idols in Your way
So I am brand new
Today, I make my resolution
~Supertones "Resolution"
Monday, March 24, 2008
Stressed
Sorry guys, I actually have two blogs I am thinking through, but there is a lot going on this week so I am not sure when I will get to it.
-Classes and HW
- SGL 08-09 selection
- Men's Advance Planning
- SGL Meeting planning
- getting hair cut for an auction (to raise money for Rockbridge Scholarships)
- Ring Dance?
So expect to see:
- Our View of Life (through thoughts on an Anime episode)
- Humility lessons part 100000000000000000 (this week)
Prayer as always appreciated. Have a great week.
-Classes and HW
- SGL 08-09 selection
- Men's Advance Planning
- SGL Meeting planning
- getting hair cut for an auction (to raise money for Rockbridge Scholarships)
- Ring Dance?
So expect to see:
- Our View of Life (through thoughts on an Anime episode)
- Humility lessons part 100000000000000000 (this week)
Prayer as always appreciated. Have a great week.
Tuesday, March 18, 2008
Orthodoxy? Theology? Life Style?
So this post is coming from a few recent events.
1. I was hanging out with a few friends. They were joking around and some joke about falling or dieing came up. The next comment was "well hopefully we will be in heaven if that happens." That bothered me. It was a few people I know to be Christians. People who I have observed growing drastically in their faith. The next thought I had is the one that bothered me. My thought was "Oh they are Catholic that's fine then." I mean this might seem small but a big part of my faith and my understanding of the Gospel is that we are given confidence in where we are going. I mean I don't know what is up with the time between death and resurrection, we are told God will hold us accountable for what we do, especially those of us who are leaders in the Church (no matter how high or low we are). But I don't think that the scripture leaves room to fear or not be confident where we are headed, that is part of where our confidence and freedom come from. We might not have huge rewards if we don't live well, but we are there none the less. Why is denomination an excuse for bad theology? Why do I feel compelled to correct or morn bad what I see as bad theology?
2. A friend and I discussed an instance of a man who was charged with heresy for saying Christ dying on the cross didn't change the world, rather that act was what God chose to accept as the atonement. And I don't know the story well enough, my explanation and understanding of it had some issues. But we were discussing what types of implications our understanding of what God does and why has on our view of him. Again the question here is what is the importance of orthodoxy. What is the reason why we value it (if you do)?
No matter your view it is important. I mean look around, my generation is largely disillusioned with the church because in the American Church largely Orthodoxy is valued so highly (and sometimes they still mess it up), but acting it out is not a big. I mean a lot of pastors try and many churches are not like this, but enough are that we have lost faith in organized church. Enter the emerging church. They generally push living your faith about as strongly as orthodoxy is valued in the mainstream church. But look at the books they write and sermons they teach. They are right on with how to apply, but so many times I hear misunderstandings of God and our position with him. Again, like before not everyone is like this, but enough to cause some who desire to follow Jesus and honor God to not trust either group.
So if one side is completely unable to do what Jesus commands us to do, and the other seems to not know why, what do we do?
One person suggested one was better than the other, living it out but not having a good foundation for why. But this is the same issue that happened back near the enlightenment, the resurgence against this mindset lead to fundamentalism. So I personally reject the idea that serving without a good foundation of orthodoxy is to be preferred over just the foundation. But we also clearly see from Jesus' teaching that knowing the truth is not the same as or a substitute for living it out.
It seems to me that to be effective we need both. We should be constantly growing in both our knowledge of scripture and God and how we live it out. Anything less is not the maximum of the type of life we can have.
Without good theology how can we answer our critics and our own thoughts when things go wrong?
Without living it out how can we call ourselves followers of Jesus when he says to love and care for the poor?
I have given my thoughts a little, but what do you think about the issue of Theology/Orthodoxy/ and Living out our faith?
1. I was hanging out with a few friends. They were joking around and some joke about falling or dieing came up. The next comment was "well hopefully we will be in heaven if that happens." That bothered me. It was a few people I know to be Christians. People who I have observed growing drastically in their faith. The next thought I had is the one that bothered me. My thought was "Oh they are Catholic that's fine then." I mean this might seem small but a big part of my faith and my understanding of the Gospel is that we are given confidence in where we are going. I mean I don't know what is up with the time between death and resurrection, we are told God will hold us accountable for what we do, especially those of us who are leaders in the Church (no matter how high or low we are). But I don't think that the scripture leaves room to fear or not be confident where we are headed, that is part of where our confidence and freedom come from. We might not have huge rewards if we don't live well, but we are there none the less. Why is denomination an excuse for bad theology? Why do I feel compelled to correct or morn bad what I see as bad theology?
2. A friend and I discussed an instance of a man who was charged with heresy for saying Christ dying on the cross didn't change the world, rather that act was what God chose to accept as the atonement. And I don't know the story well enough, my explanation and understanding of it had some issues. But we were discussing what types of implications our understanding of what God does and why has on our view of him. Again the question here is what is the importance of orthodoxy. What is the reason why we value it (if you do)?
No matter your view it is important. I mean look around, my generation is largely disillusioned with the church because in the American Church largely Orthodoxy is valued so highly (and sometimes they still mess it up), but acting it out is not a big. I mean a lot of pastors try and many churches are not like this, but enough are that we have lost faith in organized church. Enter the emerging church. They generally push living your faith about as strongly as orthodoxy is valued in the mainstream church. But look at the books they write and sermons they teach. They are right on with how to apply, but so many times I hear misunderstandings of God and our position with him. Again, like before not everyone is like this, but enough to cause some who desire to follow Jesus and honor God to not trust either group.
So if one side is completely unable to do what Jesus commands us to do, and the other seems to not know why, what do we do?
One person suggested one was better than the other, living it out but not having a good foundation for why. But this is the same issue that happened back near the enlightenment, the resurgence against this mindset lead to fundamentalism. So I personally reject the idea that serving without a good foundation of orthodoxy is to be preferred over just the foundation. But we also clearly see from Jesus' teaching that knowing the truth is not the same as or a substitute for living it out.
It seems to me that to be effective we need both. We should be constantly growing in both our knowledge of scripture and God and how we live it out. Anything less is not the maximum of the type of life we can have.
Without good theology how can we answer our critics and our own thoughts when things go wrong?
Without living it out how can we call ourselves followers of Jesus when he says to love and care for the poor?
I have given my thoughts a little, but what do you think about the issue of Theology/Orthodoxy/ and Living out our faith?
Tuesday, March 11, 2008
New Orleans
I spent spring break in New Orleans doing relief work. I was not all that anxious going in. I mean I went to New Orleans for the 2005 Sugar Bowl. I didn't expect a whole lot. I mean we were working on houses, so I had a lot to learn there. But this would be the 3rd spring break trip to a city, the 9th week of my time I will have spent in cities for ministry. I got this down.
LOL.
So in many ways I was right, the talks were nothing too new, though many were good. I had a lot to learn about houses and construction. But there was so much more for me to learn. I worded the first paragraph to show that a little. I have become complacent. I know how to do things:
Discipleship... I got that down
Vision Team... I got that down too
Inner City... I know whats up
Caring for friends... That's what I do
Theology.... Child's play
The last few weeks I have founds a few incidents where I said or did something that I wasn't happy about. A comment that was not needed, a joke that did nothing (wasn't funny and didn't build up the body, though the later is more important), comments under my breath that let a little more out that I would like, mentioning a conversations with friends that caused issues between them, when the comment was unnecessary. Each time I walked away feeling I should not have done that, but not to worried, I mean I am covered by grace right?
Over the week similar instances observed or actions I took reminded me of this, and the earlier paragraph seems intense but that all happened over the last 2 months so it was easy to ignore. I found myself being far to open with other peoples lives in groups (still not too bad but far more than I am ok with, and one instance I was called out about) and I found that my stated objectives and values were not the ones my thoughts were valuing.
This was disconcerting. I rejoiced in grace, that I am still loved and accepted by my heavenly father. But repentance is part of that, I was asking for forgiveness but not changing much. Then I realized. I was complacent. I would tell people to give the glory to God if I gave good advice or there was a great conversation. But on some level I was starting to believe it was me that was good with people, me that could give good advice, me that could lead, me that had any idea what was going on in the city. I am not denying that I have those things, though my understanding of the city and caring for people are things that I am always learning more about and trying to do and understand better. But God has given me alot of gifts, and I do the work he has set before me fairly well.
But there is a bit of a twist.
I left off there, at least recently. All that is true, God has done all that in and through me. But the trick is, I have to be abiding in him and in a constant posture of worship and dependence on him. Saying my gifts are from God and then doing my own thing, using them (especially for His service) but not depending on him to continue to bring them out. And forgetting that my gifts only exist, and their full strength only comes when I have that posture and constant communication and trust in him. That sounds so crazy, I mean how can you take a gift from God and use it "for Him" but not be relying on him? Well you can't. But I had lost sight of that, and my effectiveness suffered.
I was not receiving the counsel of the Holy Spirit as well as I could.
It is encouraging that even though I am not happy with how some parts of the last few weeks have gone, they were not unforgivable, God is in control. And he is not afraid to remind us when we are not where he wants us.
Thank you Lord (Father, Son, Spirit) for all you do.
LOL.
So in many ways I was right, the talks were nothing too new, though many were good. I had a lot to learn about houses and construction. But there was so much more for me to learn. I worded the first paragraph to show that a little. I have become complacent. I know how to do things:
Discipleship... I got that down
Vision Team... I got that down too
Inner City... I know whats up
Caring for friends... That's what I do
Theology.... Child's play
The last few weeks I have founds a few incidents where I said or did something that I wasn't happy about. A comment that was not needed, a joke that did nothing (wasn't funny and didn't build up the body, though the later is more important), comments under my breath that let a little more out that I would like, mentioning a conversations with friends that caused issues between them, when the comment was unnecessary. Each time I walked away feeling I should not have done that, but not to worried, I mean I am covered by grace right?
Over the week similar instances observed or actions I took reminded me of this, and the earlier paragraph seems intense but that all happened over the last 2 months so it was easy to ignore. I found myself being far to open with other peoples lives in groups (still not too bad but far more than I am ok with, and one instance I was called out about) and I found that my stated objectives and values were not the ones my thoughts were valuing.
This was disconcerting. I rejoiced in grace, that I am still loved and accepted by my heavenly father. But repentance is part of that, I was asking for forgiveness but not changing much. Then I realized. I was complacent. I would tell people to give the glory to God if I gave good advice or there was a great conversation. But on some level I was starting to believe it was me that was good with people, me that could give good advice, me that could lead, me that had any idea what was going on in the city. I am not denying that I have those things, though my understanding of the city and caring for people are things that I am always learning more about and trying to do and understand better. But God has given me alot of gifts, and I do the work he has set before me fairly well.
But there is a bit of a twist.
I left off there, at least recently. All that is true, God has done all that in and through me. But the trick is, I have to be abiding in him and in a constant posture of worship and dependence on him. Saying my gifts are from God and then doing my own thing, using them (especially for His service) but not depending on him to continue to bring them out. And forgetting that my gifts only exist, and their full strength only comes when I have that posture and constant communication and trust in him. That sounds so crazy, I mean how can you take a gift from God and use it "for Him" but not be relying on him? Well you can't. But I had lost sight of that, and my effectiveness suffered.
I was not receiving the counsel of the Holy Spirit as well as I could.
It is encouraging that even though I am not happy with how some parts of the last few weeks have gone, they were not unforgivable, God is in control. And he is not afraid to remind us when we are not where he wants us.
Thank you Lord (Father, Son, Spirit) for all you do.
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