Trusting God?

Ironically I was tasked lately with planning for Home-group on the topic of work. I say ironically because I am unemployed.

I wanted to lead on a section of Ecclesiastes. I liked the idea of talking about seasons. How there is a time for everything, and at times the time to not do something. I am usually not a fan of this concept in the moment. I want to be in control, I want everything to just be awesome. When I look back on the other hand I am glad for seasons. For times of learning specific things.

As I tried to prepare this discussion I kept being drawn to Matthew 25. This is the three part parable about what the kingdom of God is like: the 10 virgins awaiting the bridegroom, the master who goes on a long journey (parable of the talents), and the goats and sheep.

The middle section is commonly called the parable of the talents and is about a master who is leaving on a long journey. It is long enough that he must leave his servants in charge of his affairs, I imagine that if it was shorter he could afford to wait or just let things be. He entrusts five talents to one servant, two to the next and one to the last. He leave and on his return calls the servants to account for themselves. We see that the first two took their money and were each able to engage in trade to double their money, the master is overjoyed and invites the servants to celebrate with him; he also promises to give them more responsibility and money. The last, entrusted with only one talent, was afraid of the master so he buried the money and returned the same amount to the master. This is seen as an insult by the master, the servant is stripped of the one talent and kicked out of the house.

I did a little math. According to the footnotes in my Bible a talent is worth about 20 years wages for a laborer. For an estimation I assumed that a laborer would be someone who only makes minimum wage, works a normal 40 hour work week but does not get vacation (works 52 weeks a year). That gave me about $300,000 per talent. So reworded:

The master is leaving on a long journey. He entrusts on servant with $1.5M, one with $600k and one with $300k; each according to his ability. He then leaves.

This is the place I want to focus. I feel like this is where I am. I am not sure if I am the servant with the ability to be entrusted with $1.5M or $300k, but I am one of them. God has entrusted me with something and I want to hand it back to him with more in the end.

If I am honest with myself I am most like the servant who buried the money at the moment. I am terrified. I am scared of making a mistake.

What if I am 4th servant, the one not in the story that lost all his money?

Or worse, what if I succeed?

Both are scary thoughts. I want to just hand my one talent back the God and say "It is too hard, I am scared."

"You overestimate my ability."

But I do want to do something. I want to be a light, to serve others and be a part of bringing the kingdom into people's lives.

It is just so easy to let the fear of both success and failure to rule me.

The story just says that in the end the servants had double their money. It doesn't discuss how many times the lost money or had to start over in a new trading method or location.

They were rewarded because the master knew what they were capable of handling, gave that to them and they responded.

When I put it that way it feels much more manageable!

So at the end of the day, do I trust God to know me well enough to give me the right resources and opportunities?

Piece of Wood

My people inquire of a piece of wood,
and their walking staff gives them oracles.
For a spirit of whoredom has led them astray,
and they have left their God to play the whore.
Hosea 4:12 ESV

Last week I randomly turned to Hosea, and since we are studying that on Sunday morning at nlcf, I decided to read it next.

As I was reading I could not get past this verse. More specifically I could not get past "My people inquire of a piece of wood." I could be wrong, but in that line I sense frustration and pain.

God's people who have the privilege and right granted through Jesus to approach his throne to worship and petition him have turned to a piece of wood. Not even a man or a beast, but a piece of word.

None of those would be ok, but comparing the Lord of the universe or ANY king for that matter to a piece of wood seems laughably idiotic. The God who has given his people great promises to support and love them and performed many signs is being ignored...

FOR A PIECE OF WOOD!!!

How often do we do that in our lives? I know that has been a struggle of mine lately. Not that I have put any one thing over God, but... well maybe I have. I have been putting convenience and ease before him.

It is so much easier to throw myself into school or work or even into depression that it is to take bold steps to follow him.

I do not want to stop here. Along with this I have been thinking about the many things we as people do that to a lesser degree look like comparing God to a piece of wood.

- The guy plays a video game rather than making/ seeing his friends.
- The guy that looks at explicit websites when his wife is in the other room.
- The girl that watches romance movies alone rather than building her relationship.
- The freshman who gets drunk every weekend because they hate their life rather than doing something to change it.

Then there is me who found it easier to embrace self doubt and fear for trust and faith.

These are all replacing something amazing for something that is easier and ultimately does not meet the need we are trying to fill with it.

Right now self-doubt is my piece of wood that I go to when I should be going to God. I am safe there, I can't screw up and I can't fail. But that is not my goal, that is my fear. Much like Israel in this book, I have felt famine and pain while clinging to this idol. Only recently have I started to hear God again.

So, what is your piece of wood?

And now the non-awkward question: How have you put aside your pieces of wood in the past?

The Path?

I am starting to feel like I am hearing from God again. That is cool.

I am home for spring break (well I don't have a break, but with quitting my job I came home while my brothers had off). On Sunday the pastor was talking about giving, but he started by talking about trusting God. He said "Your direction, not intentions, determine your destination." I think he was on to something. The steps we take move us forward, not just thinking about taking steps. We cannot expect that if our thoughts and actions do not match that we will end up where we want to be.

We each have many paths we travel (relationships, work, finances, etc.) and each one has its own challenges, difficulties and goals. Often I feel a bit overwhelmed by the choices I have to make my own way. I wish God would just give me a step by step guide to life (of course if he did, I would likely try to find ways to do other things).

Trust in the LORD with all your heart
and lean not on your own understanding;
in all your ways acknowledge him,
and he will make your paths straight.
Proverbs 3:5-6

I find this to be really encouraging. God knows that we do not have all the understanding or tools to make this life work. We need a guide, we need someone who will make our paths straight. But not only does he recognize that he OFFERS to do that for us. I think this passage is his advice for how to listen and follow him.

We need to offer up our goals and desires to him, he knows what we want and what we need better than we do. He is a good father that gives good gifts.

We need to believe that he knows more that we do and is able to take care of us.

We need to acknowledge him in everything we do. Not just saying "There is a God" but seeking to make him known, to honor him in every step, word and breath.

This lifestyle allows him to come in and make our paths straight, to lead us where he has planned for us to go.

Then this morning I finished Ecclesiastes.

Now all has been heard;
here is the conclusion of the matter:
Fear God and keep his commandments,
for this is the whole duty of man.
For God will bring every deed into judgment,
including every hidden thing,
whether it is good or evil.
Ecclesiastes 12:13-14

God is yet again asking us to seek and trust him. He doesn't give us the whole picture, but he promises to make our next step land on solid ground.

But we have to listen and trust.

Easier said than done I know, but I have needed to hear this.

Power

About two weeks ago now, in Home Group, we were looking at Psalm 100.

Make a joyful noise to the LORD, all the earth!
² Serve the LORD with gladness!
Come into his presence with singing!
³Know that the LORD, he is God!
It is he who made us, and we are his;
we are his people, and the sheep of his pasture.
⁴ Enter his gates with thanksgiving,
and his courts with praise!
Give thanks to him; bless his name!
⁵ For the LORD is good;
his steadfast love endures forever,
and his faithfulness to all generations. (ESV)

We were going through this passage in a Lectio Divina style so after we finished reading the passage a few times and praying through it the leader asked us to share what word or phrase stood out to us.

As I read and prayed I kept coming back to verse 3. "Know that the LORD, he is God!" The rest of the passage refers to God's goodness and love. But this section reminded me of his power. I believe LORD as it is here is a replacement for God's most holy name in Hebrew (I have not confirmed that), but in this one line we are reminded that he IS the LORD, he IS God.

Both Lord and God if you look them up contain power and authority as attributes that come with that name.

That is the thing I have missed these last few months. I was allowing my work, my tiredness, my fear, and my failures to erode my passion and vision. But most importantly I allowed them to erode me view of God.

I never doubted that He was good, but He slowly became impotent in my circumstances. My prayers shifted from excitement and trust to acknowledging his desire and plan but doubting but understanding that tomorrow would not change, to not praying much at all.

Do you keep calling a friend who remains silent? How long do you cling to a relationship that where the person means well but never does anything?

I hit that point in the last few weeks. I had forgotten that God DOES have the power to make his plans come to fruition. And he will.

Mundane

So today at church the pastor was talking about Exodus, the final talk in a series. Earlier they explained Exodus was a compound word meaning the "way out." Each week they has asked us to consider what we think God is leading us out of, but not to stop there.

God was leading his people out of Egypt into the promised land and into relationship with him. Jim proposed that the Exodus did not end when the Isrealites entered Canaan, but that it is also the journey that God is still leading his children on to this day. Through Jesus God is leading us on the way out, out of sin and death to Him.

He said one thing today that really stuck with me. "The miraculous becomes the mundane in no time."

The story of the Exodus is not one of God taking the quickest path to move his people from Egypt to the promised land. It is a story of God proclaiming his power and intentions to his people and the world. He lead his people on a longer path to Canaan to show them more and more that he loved them and provides for them. And many days all they could do is follow him.

So many times I, and I think we all, say "If only I had a pillar of fire/ smoke to follow." "If only I say the sea part before me to show me the way." We want miracles to guide us... I want them more than ever now that I can't default to the goal that has driven me since I could think rationally "graduate from college."

But God did that for his people and do you see where that got them? No where further than we get with our every day lives and interaction with him. We see in Numbers 13 that the spies that were sent did not believe they could take the land that God had given them.

All of God's miracles and all of the comments from us reading the story saying "Well if I saw THAT I would trust God" did not mean anything. They were scared, as they had every right to be.

Miracles can become mundane. If we could call them at our will we would control God, not the other way around. And miracles or not we all come to the point of making a choice...

"Knowing what I know of God, do I trust him enough to go and do this?"

People who have experienced far more miricles and those who have experienced far fewer have all made this choice. Some said yes, and we remember them as men and women of God. Other said no.

So, what choice do I make? What choice do you make?

Where I Am

So I have not posted here in a while. Life has been good and bad at the same time, and definitely busy.

I have been noticing the lack of community rather acutely recently.

Last week I saw my girlfriend for about 3 hours and one of my bestfriends, who also lives with me, for about 20 minuets. In the evenings alone I watched a lot of Hulu and felt like crap. I felt alone and started to see trains of thought that I thought were long behind me come back.

I was journaling at church today I started to recall some things I used to take for granted when I was in IV before graduating that I took for granted that I really miss now.

1. Being asked how God and I are on a regular basis at random by many different people.
2. Having a community of people to serve.
3. People to discuss my day with or plans for the future.
4. A group of people that were not afraid to challenge me.
5. A place to be reminded of who God is when I forget.

I have only experienced a small bit of this since graduation and the other graduates moving from this end of the state. With Jamie being a small group leader we have gotten to have a few awesome talks about how that is going with her and sometimes Joe and I talk.

But both of them have been on mostly opposite schedules of mine as of late and busy themselves. Plus most of Joe and my conversations have been about business-y things lately as we both are rather either arrogant or ambitious (not sure which) and trying to start many different enterprises.

I have not joined a church yet because I have not gone around and check out some of the ones I have heard about. I have been going mostly to [nlcf] because it is what I am used to and where Jamie and Michael (my little brother) go. The sermons have also been on Exodus lately and I have found them really interesting and applicable.

Not until today, however, did I consider the possibility that I was simply over thinking my church choice. They do many of the things I want to be involved with and have an older congregation I could get to know. And today I also realized that Joe, Jamie, and Michael all go there and are most of the people I actually see on a regular basis. After a week of minimal human interaction it is nice to see people that I love.

So now the question is do I decided to look at other places, that would be better in some ways and not in others, or do I decide the seeing my brother and girlfriend on Sunday mornings is a good reason to pick a church for the time being?

Being an over-thinker sucks. But regardless of the source I need to find community soon, because I cannot live this life alone.

Remembering Blessing

So my recent issues in life have been a broken A/C, which really annoyed me, caused me to loose sleep from the 'heat' and I am guessing that is why I am currently sick.

My other issue was sitting in the doctors office waiting for over two and a half hours just to see a doctor for a few minutes, get a prescription and use my hard earned money on antibiotics. Oh and I had to skip work because I felt like crap.

But I had A/C to miss, and even with that broken a bed to sleep in and food in the kitchen and refrigerator. I had a job that on a world standard is extremely high paying, even if it is not my dream job yet.

I could go to the doctor and even had excellent insurance to reduce the cost significantly. And I will still get paid for my sick day because I am a salary employee.

It is sooo easy to loose sight of how gifted I am to be born where I was born, have the support of an awesome family, have awesome friends, a degree from an awesome school, and an awesome job with a company that is growing in a time when most companies are firing people or at least not hiring.

God please keep my conscious of just how lucky and blessed I am.