So my recent issues in life have been a broken A/C, which really annoyed me, caused me to loose sleep from the 'heat' and I am guessing that is why I am currently sick.
My other issue was sitting in the doctors office waiting for over two and a half hours just to see a doctor for a few minutes, get a prescription and use my hard earned money on antibiotics. Oh and I had to skip work because I felt like crap.
But I had A/C to miss, and even with that broken a bed to sleep in and food in the kitchen and refrigerator. I had a job that on a world standard is extremely high paying, even if it is not my dream job yet.
I could go to the doctor and even had excellent insurance to reduce the cost significantly. And I will still get paid for my sick day because I am a salary employee.
It is sooo easy to loose sight of how gifted I am to be born where I was born, have the support of an awesome family, have awesome friends, a degree from an awesome school, and an awesome job with a company that is growing in a time when most companies are firing people or at least not hiring.
God please keep my conscious of just how lucky and blessed I am.
Wednesday, August 12, 2009
Saturday, August 8, 2009
Catching Up
So I have not posted much recently. That is mostly for lack of writing. I do have a new blog that is more geared to my musings and growth in the working world with less emphasis on the overtly spiritual (just ask if you want to know where it is). I intend to keep posting here in the coming months as I would like a place to get feedback and encourage people most specifically relating to my faith.
The other reason posts have been lacking is that I have completely lost my balance lately. I have not found a church home, but honestly I have been to bust to look. And with moving, traveling, and laziness I have let my quiet times and personal time with God become erratic and inconsistent.
So over the next few weeks I will be working to get my schedule back on track and to find a place to call home.
That will be interesting; unlike those that are completely cut off from their college communities I could still go if I wanted, it will be right down the road in a few weeks. However I know that is no longer where I am to be for my community.
I hope soon I can support that community as an outsider and an alumni, but it will be weird being close enough to a community I love and yet knowing I must find another.
Prayer would be appreciated as I seek a new community and seek to get my relationship with God back on track.
The other reason posts have been lacking is that I have completely lost my balance lately. I have not found a church home, but honestly I have been to bust to look. And with moving, traveling, and laziness I have let my quiet times and personal time with God become erratic and inconsistent.
So over the next few weeks I will be working to get my schedule back on track and to find a place to call home.
That will be interesting; unlike those that are completely cut off from their college communities I could still go if I wanted, it will be right down the road in a few weeks. However I know that is no longer where I am to be for my community.
I hope soon I can support that community as an outsider and an alumni, but it will be weird being close enough to a community I love and yet knowing I must find another.
Prayer would be appreciated as I seek a new community and seek to get my relationship with God back on track.
Friday, May 29, 2009
Long overdue post
So I am looking to start a new blog and run them simultaneously. This will stay under my name and be about my walk with God and the other will be more about my professional development and some of the projects I am working on to have fun and adjust out of the college life, but I will be posting to that blog under a pseudonym. I am just debating on name, but I am excited about that.
I have not felt like I have been growing all the much recently. But I think that is a bit of a misconception on my part.
I have been forced to trust. Forced to realize quite plainly that God makes absolutely no sense sometimes but he is caring for me none the less.
I have been dating an awesome woman of God for about two months now and that is pushing me in so many ways. Most importantly and obviously at this point is my selfishness. I have seen a completely new level of selfcenteredness arise in me through my interactions with her.
And I cannot forget to mention Rockbridge. I took the Kingdom Living track. Nothing was earth shattering but it was a good reminder about many of the things I have learned over the last few years that I care about that I have not thought of in a while.
The other point from Rockbridge worth mentioning is some straight up weird stuff happened. I saw on two consecutive nights brothers in Christ become 'filled with the Holy Spirit.' I use quotes not because I doubt that they were but because I have never seen anything like it. One has had deep scars from his early college career that he has not been able to move past and I saw the beginnings of healing and joy in him again. And the other had pain from loosing a friend and almost losing several others in a car wreck of sorts. The first seemed to think his situation was almost permanent then after praying with and over him he started to cry and laugh and shake... he spoke words of love and seemed almost drunk... IN AN INSTANT. The second went from yelling to try to express his emotions of anger and guilt (false guilt but guilt none the less... meaning he did nothing wrong) and anger with God to crying, laughing, and speaking love over those he came to... again in an instant.
He told me and one other guy God had big things planned for us... not the most enlightening sentiment but encouraging and needed. He also told me "You know you could be a pastor if you wanted to right?" That comment is a bit more deep and interesting. I hear that is what more charismatic denominations call prophecy... but I am not completely sure how to take it still.
If you are interested or care to keep me to my word here are my goals for the next few weeks/ summer:
- Check out Dwelling Place (local church that is a bit more charismatic)
- Meet with one of my Sisters in Christ who knows a good deal more about these kind of experiences
- Have daily quiet times (scripture and prayer)
- Actually do my investigation of the Name of God
- Find a church to become a member of
- Seek God's guidance more and more in my relationship with my girlfriend, learning to love her as much like God does as I am able
- Work on expressing what God puts on my heart in a concise manner
Thank you God for reminding me of what you have taught me in the past, showing me you are present and active in those I care about, and giving me more than I deserve.
I have not felt like I have been growing all the much recently. But I think that is a bit of a misconception on my part.
I have been forced to trust. Forced to realize quite plainly that God makes absolutely no sense sometimes but he is caring for me none the less.
I have been dating an awesome woman of God for about two months now and that is pushing me in so many ways. Most importantly and obviously at this point is my selfishness. I have seen a completely new level of selfcenteredness arise in me through my interactions with her.
And I cannot forget to mention Rockbridge. I took the Kingdom Living track. Nothing was earth shattering but it was a good reminder about many of the things I have learned over the last few years that I care about that I have not thought of in a while.
The other point from Rockbridge worth mentioning is some straight up weird stuff happened. I saw on two consecutive nights brothers in Christ become 'filled with the Holy Spirit.' I use quotes not because I doubt that they were but because I have never seen anything like it. One has had deep scars from his early college career that he has not been able to move past and I saw the beginnings of healing and joy in him again. And the other had pain from loosing a friend and almost losing several others in a car wreck of sorts. The first seemed to think his situation was almost permanent then after praying with and over him he started to cry and laugh and shake... he spoke words of love and seemed almost drunk... IN AN INSTANT. The second went from yelling to try to express his emotions of anger and guilt (false guilt but guilt none the less... meaning he did nothing wrong) and anger with God to crying, laughing, and speaking love over those he came to... again in an instant.
He told me and one other guy God had big things planned for us... not the most enlightening sentiment but encouraging and needed. He also told me "You know you could be a pastor if you wanted to right?" That comment is a bit more deep and interesting. I hear that is what more charismatic denominations call prophecy... but I am not completely sure how to take it still.
If you are interested or care to keep me to my word here are my goals for the next few weeks/ summer:
- Check out Dwelling Place (local church that is a bit more charismatic)
- Meet with one of my Sisters in Christ who knows a good deal more about these kind of experiences
- Have daily quiet times (scripture and prayer)
- Actually do my investigation of the Name of God
- Find a church to become a member of
- Seek God's guidance more and more in my relationship with my girlfriend, learning to love her as much like God does as I am able
- Work on expressing what God puts on my heart in a concise manner
Thank you God for reminding me of what you have taught me in the past, showing me you are present and active in those I care about, and giving me more than I deserve.
Monday, April 27, 2009
Lots and Nothing to Think about All at the Same Time
So for a while I have felt off.
Life is going fairly well, I am finishing college, I have a girlfriend for the first time in years (and she is pretty awesome), I am applying to jobs waiting to hear back from one where the interview went well and applying to others, and I have friends.
There are also several potential projects that would provide new avenues for my creativity and gifts to shine through and develop.
But I have not had a passion in a while. No burning topic in the temporal or the spiritual that is captivating my attention.
While I have so much to learn about so many things I do not have that issue or topic that I care about.
Even my desire to work out what it means to have vision for myself, life and others has grown dull.
There is an exciting new chapter opening and an awesome chapter closing in my life right now...
I want passion and a topic or two that I am well versed in.
This blog may be redirected, left alone with the start of a second, or killed in favor of a second depending on what I choose to do.
This Blog was always for my close friends that wanted to know what I was up to as I struggled and worked through life. And I think overall it has done that.
But either I am going to fall away into obscurity or find the path I want to run down in my development as a person and as a child of God.
I hope for the latter.
Life is going fairly well, I am finishing college, I have a girlfriend for the first time in years (and she is pretty awesome), I am applying to jobs waiting to hear back from one where the interview went well and applying to others, and I have friends.
There are also several potential projects that would provide new avenues for my creativity and gifts to shine through and develop.
But I have not had a passion in a while. No burning topic in the temporal or the spiritual that is captivating my attention.
While I have so much to learn about so many things I do not have that issue or topic that I care about.
Even my desire to work out what it means to have vision for myself, life and others has grown dull.
There is an exciting new chapter opening and an awesome chapter closing in my life right now...
I want passion and a topic or two that I am well versed in.
This blog may be redirected, left alone with the start of a second, or killed in favor of a second depending on what I choose to do.
This Blog was always for my close friends that wanted to know what I was up to as I struggled and worked through life. And I think overall it has done that.
But either I am going to fall away into obscurity or find the path I want to run down in my development as a person and as a child of God.
I hope for the latter.
Thursday, April 16, 2009
2 Years Later
It has been 2 years since April 16th 2007...
that is about all I can say, my emotions are all messed up, but I did not want this day to go unmarked on my blog.
that is about all I can say, my emotions are all messed up, but I did not want this day to go unmarked on my blog.
Friday, March 27, 2009
Wait... WHAT?!?!?!
So this week has been crazy. I have had some of the highest highs and lowest lows of a while, at least in this small of a space.
The last few weeks I have finally started to see something come out of my prayers and times in scripture, not HUGE things, but little insights that have helped direct me and encourage me.
This week has put me in a position I did not expect on so many levels. I cannot explain in this post on the inter-tubes right now... but I got nothing.
Nothing that makes me worthy of the good things from this week.
Nothing that I can use to explain or push aside the negative things.
Nothing that I can use to take full control of my job search (the location of the negatives) or the rest of my life.
At the moment I am in a precarious position where if God is not with me, granting me wisdom and strength, I will fail.
The easiest way to describe this week is a combination and rapid succession of both positive and negative events and situations where the only thing I can think to do is cling to God.
God I pray that my eyes and heart are open to you and your guidance and mercy in my life...
cause on my own I've got nothing.
The last few weeks I have finally started to see something come out of my prayers and times in scripture, not HUGE things, but little insights that have helped direct me and encourage me.
This week has put me in a position I did not expect on so many levels. I cannot explain in this post on the inter-tubes right now... but I got nothing.
Nothing that makes me worthy of the good things from this week.
Nothing that I can use to explain or push aside the negative things.
Nothing that I can use to take full control of my job search (the location of the negatives) or the rest of my life.
At the moment I am in a precarious position where if God is not with me, granting me wisdom and strength, I will fail.
The easiest way to describe this week is a combination and rapid succession of both positive and negative events and situations where the only thing I can think to do is cling to God.
God I pray that my eyes and heart are open to you and your guidance and mercy in my life...
cause on my own I've got nothing.
Saturday, March 21, 2009
Selfishness
So I was sitting in the back of 180 as is my custom since I was a freshman. Nothing really on my mind, then a freshman got up from where he was,sat down and said I was on his heart and asked if he could pray for me. I told him there was nothing, which was not a lie but not really trying to think or express myself either.
So I sat there and I praying, but it was fairly general stuff in my head. And it occurred to me that I have not felt 'someone was laid on my heart' for some time.
I am in a time of transition and when I am in times like this I tend to withdraw. I am not in control, I do not know what to do to honor God, my friends, or myself. It is a double edged sword. Someone like me who has the memories and past of being ignored or just not sought out by friends I still have a hard time feeling completely alone when I am not part of the group. I have gotten better about it, and with me leaving and not being at VT next year I honestly also love seeing my friends hang out with and enjoy others. I enjoyed that before, but more so now that I am leaving. It helps me feel like they will be taken care of once I leave. But it also makes me feel like an outsider in my head long before my time to go.
And from that paragraph and other posts recently the conclusion that came to me might become clear. I have become incredibly self-centered. Here is an example of my prayers for the last few months:
- God, how do I end my time at VT well?
- God, how can I honor you today?
- God, what will I be doing after I graduate?
- God, where will my next step take me?
- God, where should I look or what should I do to find a job?
- God, how do I love my friends well?
- God, how do I figure out how to interact with my friends since I am leaving?
- God, please give me wisdom.
- God, please show me how you will help me with my goals.
- God, how do I love/ interact with X? (specific friends)
Even in my desire to do things for others my prayer is about me.
I find myself feeling out of place easy. Getting frustrated with friends that are going through hard times and not talking to me about it.
Something about this time feels off from times I have felt like I was in a good relationship with God. And even now God is still using me to care for people and help them come to a better understanding of God. Like I say something that is an epiphany for them but I still feel like just some guy.
I want my focus to be on God and the things of his kingdom. I want loving my friends to be something I think/ feel like I do well, not something I feel I am failing at.
But this time it seems like I can only think in terms of I or me.
God please help me see how to live out the life you have given me. To be able to enjoy my relationships and live out the Gospel in everything I do.
So I sat there and I praying, but it was fairly general stuff in my head. And it occurred to me that I have not felt 'someone was laid on my heart' for some time.
I am in a time of transition and when I am in times like this I tend to withdraw. I am not in control, I do not know what to do to honor God, my friends, or myself. It is a double edged sword. Someone like me who has the memories and past of being ignored or just not sought out by friends I still have a hard time feeling completely alone when I am not part of the group. I have gotten better about it, and with me leaving and not being at VT next year I honestly also love seeing my friends hang out with and enjoy others. I enjoyed that before, but more so now that I am leaving. It helps me feel like they will be taken care of once I leave. But it also makes me feel like an outsider in my head long before my time to go.
And from that paragraph and other posts recently the conclusion that came to me might become clear. I have become incredibly self-centered. Here is an example of my prayers for the last few months:
- God, how do I end my time at VT well?
- God, how can I honor you today?
- God, what will I be doing after I graduate?
- God, where will my next step take me?
- God, where should I look or what should I do to find a job?
- God, how do I love my friends well?
- God, how do I figure out how to interact with my friends since I am leaving?
- God, please give me wisdom.
- God, please show me how you will help me with my goals.
- God, how do I love/ interact with X? (specific friends)
Even in my desire to do things for others my prayer is about me.
I find myself feeling out of place easy. Getting frustrated with friends that are going through hard times and not talking to me about it.
Something about this time feels off from times I have felt like I was in a good relationship with God. And even now God is still using me to care for people and help them come to a better understanding of God. Like I say something that is an epiphany for them but I still feel like just some guy.
I want my focus to be on God and the things of his kingdom. I want loving my friends to be something I think/ feel like I do well, not something I feel I am failing at.
But this time it seems like I can only think in terms of I or me.
God please help me see how to live out the life you have given me. To be able to enjoy my relationships and live out the Gospel in everything I do.
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