Escapism???

Escapism: "the avoidance of reality by absorption of the mind in entertainment or in an imaginative situation, activity, etc. "

Sometimes I wonder if I am a bit escapist. I watch anime fairly regularly not in the last month or so though). I own quite a few movies. I own a Wii. My comfort zone is my own mind (I have talked to a few of you about that concept, I don't know if I have mentioned it here).

And I can't wait to turn off my PC and cell phone for 2 weeks. To be in another country, completely inaccessible.

But even with that I have had some awesome conversations in the last few days with people I care for dearly. And I do not want to be apart from them.

I don't want to leave those I love, that is part of why graduating scares me, and why a few of us are looking to move to the same city and serve together...

And at the same time a friends desire to leave and move on is finally starting to make a little sense, although I still morn the fact that people must leave.

And yet there are others, some I love and others honestly I don't have much closeness with that I am happy to see leave, either because I can see what lies before them and I want that for them, or my life gets easier with them gone.

Sometimes life is hard and I want to run to a game, a movie, anime, away. Other times life gets hard and I want to step up and overcome the situation.

I have said and desired for many years someone to love, care for, grow with, and be challenged by. And yet I also want to be alone.

What do you do with feelings like that? Do you ignore them? That feels like you are denying yourself. Do you embrace them? Many are diametrically opposed.

Do you say screw it and run away to another town, state, country? Do you stay?

Do you retreat into your mind, where one minuet you can have a close friend or friends to share experiences with and the next no one, whatever you want at the moment? But can you cast your mind aside and still think, reason, and plan?

Do you throw you mind completely away and live out life as you want in the moment, without regard to the pain you could cause others?

Caution vs. Excitement
Risk vs. Reward
Life vs. Death
Honor vs. Humiliation
Hope vs. Failure (rejection)
Wanting vs. Having
Safety vs Danger
Existing vs. Living

Love God, Love Self, Love Others, Love Creation

Love neighbor AS self

How do you reconcile all this into a life style that worth living?

I don't want to get to the end of my life and say "Well that was a safe life, I took no risks, and had a predictable life, where I wasn't super happy, but I was never sad, and I never hurt anyone."

But I don't wanna say "WOOO I had a blast, and I don't care how many people were hurt, it was worth it for the ride!!!"

But sometimes the little step from safety to living life feels like the leap from safety and courtosy to selfishness and thrill seaking.

Rather than try to wade through all this... isn't it easier just to run to another country for a few weeks? Get lost in the newest game or movies?

Heck in your mind you can live life however you want... and "noone" gets hurt.

Is standing up for the weak worth the danger?
Is asking that girl (guy for you ladies) out, or telling her(him) how much you admire them worth the risk of hurting them, or being rejected?
Or is it worth the time and effort to figure out how to love your sisters/brothers when you have no interest in them (that one might be harder)?
Is being there for your friend as they struggle worth the time and emotional energy from you?
Is it worth it to take a job (career path) you might love for less pay than the one that will pay you the most?
Is it worth it to stand up for what is best for you community even if you are the only one that thinks so?

I'd like to think yes to all those, but how many times do my actions, or your actions, indicate otherwise?