AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

So I may have written this before but I need to write it again.

I have a limit, I have mental disciplines that help reduce my worry and stress level but they only work to a point. Almost like my productivity and sanity are made better with one level of stress, i go in to survival mode when another level is reached, and when i exceed the last marker I just lose it.

Luckily I know what to do when I lose it, sleep and refocus on God, and in a few hours I am back to survival mode or my optimal stress level. But it takes a few hours.

So this week:

- NSO, awesome time, but for Vision Team and SGLs it is sooooo busy
- Cancellation of an NSO event due to rain, that kinda bugged me, but that was not in our control
- With classes starting I have been in survival mode (I get really task oriented) and have not been having good interaction with my friends
- Part of the previous point conversations like this (this is mostly with just a few of my close friends but has happened with others too)

Me: "Hey, can you do this for X event."
Friend: "Sure, blah blah blah."
Me: "Awesome, blah blah details blah"
Friend: "Ok, I'll take care of it."
Me: "Thanks... .... .... .... Um, how is..... ..... ..... bye."

- Trying to balance my position trying to push and care for the other leaders and still being thier friend, not being "power hungry" or "lecturing" but still Allen

As a friend said in a text conversation earlier Friday "It seems like just when I start to get ahead or on track something else pops up" (horribly paraphrased, sorry)

Oh boy.... I had no idea how true that would be in my life.

Friday night: projector issues occurred during our first 180, which as an old AV guy, I take personally a bit, then we had a huge party in my apartment complex that went awesomely, likely 1/3 to 1/2 of the people were new.... but

On my way back I got a call that my parents were stuck in WVA, thier car broke down. We are talking for good. They wanted to see if i could get them to a hotel and a rental car.

I am in the middle of hosting an event, our projector (the NEW projector) is acting up, I am in charge of an event in the morning, and there is a Football game later in the afternoon.

AHHHHHHH.

I get my roommate and a friend to act as host. And annother Vision Team member cover for me in the morning. Then plans changed and I was leaving in the morning. So instead of continuing to be in the party I tried to go to bed with Rock Band going in the other room. Which wouldn't be a problem but I was thinking to hard. And texting people, the guy who was coving for me I was sending him what I had to do, one guy offered to come and I was talking to him about staying, my family was sending me info about where they were, and one person was talking to me about SGL stuff, kinda, that conversation was the worse for me just over talking and analizing.

The drive itself was awesome, I needed the time alone. It was good to talk and sort through life with myself and God for a few hours.

I get back and I thought that we would be set up to watch the game. No, the guy doing that is at my doorstep 30 min before kick off. lots of mis-communication caused that. Then the room we got that I was under the impression got cable, didn't so I am on my way to watch the game, and we invited freshmen and we got nothing.

I went from feeling good to just not wanting to show up and deal with anything.

If anything the last 48 Hours are just another reminder that this is God's thing not mine. Cause now, at the end of the day all is good. We had good freshman turn out to many events, my parents are in a rental car and where they were trying to get. I still have my sanity and my faith.

My friends have more grace for me than I will ever deserve. Thanks.

To my roommate and friend: Thanks for covering the party last night that was good to have off my plate. Thanks for your support.

To the guy that offered to come with me: Thanks, I know in the end I kinda blew you off, but it meant a lot to me that you made the offer and were serious about it.

To the guy that covered for me: Thanks bro, it was nice to not have to worry about that.

To the others who saw/ heard/ or read my worry and just over thinking last night: Thank you so much for your friendship, it means a lot. And thank you for your grace for me when I am in survival mode or fully freaking out. I have not and will not ever earn that consideration, I thank God he blessed me with such awesome people to lean on and to talk to when I need to get my thoughts and worries out.

I can't live this life alone.... but God has surrounded me with people who help me every day to make it through.

Thanks.